From the Past to the Present

I have given the reason as to why I started, to help others and give advice. But why? Why do I care so much?

I have had many ups and downs in my life. From when I first learned I was pregnant, to the failing relationship with my son’s father, to struggling to pick myself up again and move forward in the world. I learned not to lean on people quickly, especially those who only came around when they wanted something.

That’s what hurts the most, knowing someone you trust only comes around for their own selfish reasons. But, in life, you learn who you can trust and where their values lie. You learn to surround yourself with people who help you move forward in your life, not bring you down or make you feel worst about yourself.

I did not know this at first.  I trusted easily and gave my heart away. I would practically give my life to people and hope that they would be careful with me. This happened for so long that I didn’t know who I was anymore. When I didn’t have anyone, I wasn’t sure of what I liked, what I wanted to be or what I wanted to do.

The one person who was there for me, I threw away for another failing relationship. I went through my days, always crying, always in pain, always in my own misery. Because I was young and couldn’t decide on what I wanted. I didn’t want to talk to my parents because I didn’t feel like they would understand. I confided in a friend who had the same problems I did. It helped for awhile until I couldn’t take it anymore. I locked myself away, barely sleeping or eating. I stayed in my room for two weeks and read eight novels in that time.

And you know what? It was my own fault. I was trying to fix things myself. I wouldn’t seek for help, or thought that I had any. Until I decided, “I really need help. I need someone to talk to.” I went to my counselor on campus. I was so scared, walking through the doors. I practically forced myself to keep going.I was so embarrassed.  But I did it. I went through with it and today, after all my counseling and the support from the man I had to find my way back to, from my supporting family and friends, I found my way. I found my way back into the world. I focused on my dreams, my goals.

And I want to do this with everyone. I want to reach out to others and let them know that there is someone out there for them. Not everyone has the strength to pick themselves up. And I want to be the one to do it.